Tougher moments.

Sometimes, I simply run out of strength. Perhaps it doesn’t show, but that’s how it is. Even though we have surrounded ourselves with a group of friends who do so many things for us. In moments like these, for a brief, fleeting moment, I wonder what our life would be like now if Antosia were completely healthy. But I can’t think like that! To function normally, I cannot dwell on how life would look under circumstances that will never happen. After all, why waste time thinking about something I have no control over?

No one can convince me that all of this is happening “for a reason.” That “Someone” surely had a purpose in making life harder for Antosia. That perhaps she has some mission we don’t know about yet. I don’t believe in the sense of rationalizing the world and all the bad things that happen in it this way. It’s too convenient…

Perhaps it would be easier to think this way? To explain the course of events to ourselves and accept the will of “Someone.” However, by accepting such reasoning, I would always have to live with the awareness that very little depends on us, our decisions, and our actions. I believe that by taking this harder path, we can achieve more. I believe that because we quickly acknowledged and accepted our current situation, we are able to reach our goal while giving Antosia the very best.